Hype, Hyperbole, and Harper

The fireworks were nestled all snug in whatever fireworks are nestled in before heading skyward several hours later from barges on the Potomac River. The Nationals were playing an 11:05 am start time for the Fourth of July game in the Nation’s Capital. The San Francisco Giants had been invited to share in the festivities and for the occasion Madison Bumgarner was pitching against Stephen Strasburg. What a beautiful day for baseball.

Michael Taylor hit the first pitch from Bumgarner into the left field stands and suddenly beauty had been made real. Yunel Escobar hit the second pitch to the right center field wall for a double and up stepped baseball’s answer to Tom Cruise: Bryce Harper, Mr. Born on the Fourth of July, sporting a bat painted in the stars and stripes. It took Harper several pitches before squaring one up, but when he did the ball was a missile that never was more than 50 feet off the ground and impacted into the home team bullpen to give the Nationals a three run lead they did not relinquish all afternoon.

There were many in the stands who were also on hand the last time the Giants were in town, when they won both games before heading back to California and winning the NLDS in four games. There was little consolation that the Giants went on to win the World Series. It should have been us in that real fine car, heading to the White House for that Rose Garden ceremony with the POTUS. That is a different kind of fantasy.

So those three at-bats felt very good indeed. There was no need to sell them to anyone. They felt good like you would not believe, like getting into the brand new Cadillac with the new car smell stinging every olfactory sensor you have and it feels great to think about owning it, driving it off the lot. You hardly need some jerk salesman with oily hair telling you how cool the car is. It just drives home the fact that he has his hand in your pocket and that you will pay way more than you should for the car. That is what MLB, Inc. is like–the salesman.

Where do they get this stuff anyway? “It was a lightning strike of freedom..being transported to Nationals Park on the back of bald eagles.” It was a frigging two run homer, a nice bit of showmanship, but really; do we need “the power of the stars and stripes flowed through him.”

Quick, get the zamboni, someone has been sick in the front seat of the showroom caddy.

I guess you either like Tom Cruise or you don’t and personally it was all down hill after Frisky Business or whatever his first movie was called, before it all went to his head and he became the other Tom Cruise. The question is whether Bryce Harper will succumb to the endless salesmanship. No doubt MLB, Inc. would love to add animatronics every time Bryce Harper comes to bat so that his arms suddenly morph into eagles wings as he strides to the plate. Or maybe he could become all Thor-like with a red-white-and-blue hammer that crushes the ball after it becomes a missile hurled from some demonic bad guy straight out of central casting or a 1950’s comic book.

It was very, very nice to beat Madison Bumgarner again. But really, he is not a demon, just a great pitcher who did not have his best stuff on a muggy Saturday morning in early July. But baseball seems to need more than that these days.

Got an attention span that only computers can measure? MLB, Inc. has got just what you need. We got rock and roll, rockabilly, knock em silly and everything in between played so loud that your dentist is covering the costs. Maybe baseball’s current ownership group were kids when I was and baseball was part of the same reality as DC Comics. It would be an answer at least. Baseball WAS an escape from the real world back then, but there was actual protoplasm at work in it. Baseball was something you could go out and watch and then in the morning, there it was in the box scores. It was real. It was not a comic book and it was served at room temperature.

What this resolves itself into is a personal plea that Bryce Harper can somehow keep it just that real. You want to use a red, white and blue bat, fine, but remember where this all can lead. Google Tom Cruise and see if that is the life you really want. Yes, the task is a superhuman one. Should you accept the assignment, you will have to ignore the salesmanship and the hyperbole that is exploding all around you to maintain yourself as yourself whatever that may be, you will have to decide. That is your task if you chose to accept it. This message will explode in ten seconds. Ten…nine…