{"id":500,"date":"2008-06-08T08:43:49","date_gmt":"2008-06-08T15:43:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/seamheads.com\/blog\/2008\/06\/08\/the-state-of-the-groin-kicks\/"},"modified":"2009-03-18T20:33:18","modified_gmt":"2009-03-19T03:33:18","slug":"the-state-of-the-groin-kicks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/seamheads.com\/blog\/2008\/06\/08\/the-state-of-the-groin-kicks\/","title":{"rendered":"The State of the Groin Kicks"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Fantasy Press Secretary of the Fantasy Flying Groin Kicks delivers the state of the Groin Kicks to the many fantasy members of Groin Kick Universe.\u00c2\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

OK, thank you.\u00c2\u00a0 Thanks for coming.\u00c2\u00a0 It is you, our loyal fantasy press corps, that has allowed us to become the successful imaginary organization we are today.\u00c2\u00a0 Now, I know that you have many questions about the direction our current fantasy season is going, but I and my fantasy public relations office have decided to keep this meeting short and to the point.\u00c2\u00a0 As such, I will make a brief statement, and we will take no questions.\u00c2\u00a0 Now, now, settle down, all the players and coaches will be available after today\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s game.\u00c2\u00a0 Unfortunately our administrative team has spent the last few days drowning their sorrows in barbeques, wine, and Maker\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Mark; so they are unavailable for comment.\u00c2\u00a0 What?\u00c2\u00a0 I wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t supposed to talk about their benders?\u00c2\u00a0 It paints a bad picture of the team?\u00c2\u00a0 Stick to the statement?\u00c2\u00a0 Right.\u00c2\u00a0 Sorry.\u00c2\u00a0 Well then\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n

As many of the make-believe fans of the Groin Kicks know, after consistently competing for league titles the past few years, we have fallen on hard times.\u00c2\u00a0 Currently, we occupy seventh place and have seen no real improvements in our standing for sometime.\u00c2\u00a0 Moreover, after a long and fruitful partnership with our imaginary training staff, we have decided to part ways.\u00c2\u00a0 Just some of the players the Groin Kicks have lost to the fantasy disabled list are as follows: Chad Cordero, Clint Barmes, Moises Alou, Chone Figgins, Matt Holliday, Howie Kendrick, Carlos Guillen, and the list goes on.\u00c2\u00a0 Excuse me, I just threw up in my mouth a little.<\/p>\n

Every season, the Groin Kicks pride themselves on putting a strong and exciting product on the fantasy field and filling those fantasy seats.\u00c2\u00a0 Unfortunately, due to injuries and some holes in our Minor League fantasy operations, this season we have not been able to do so.<\/p>\n

This early season is not totally devoid of positive fantasy moments.\u00c2\u00a0 Brian McCann continues his hot hitting at a pace of .303 with 12 HR and 37 RBI.\u00c2\u00a0 Carlos Quentin continues to hit homeruns\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhe\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s up to sixteen now.\u00c2\u00a0 Jay Bruce has exploded onto the scene, hitting .457 with two HR and eleven RBI in 46 at bats.\u00c2\u00a0 Cliff Lee has been mostly unhittable, except for his last two starts.\u00c2\u00a0 Finally, Scott Rolen and Conor Jackson have filled in admirably at the corner infield positions.\u00c2\u00a0 Make no mistake, our imaginary future is strong, even if it is pretend.<\/p>\n

However, for every positive moment, we have experienced a negative one.\u00c2\u00a0 Our pitching staff\u00e2\u20ac\u201dHarang, Shields, Jered Weaver, Lee, and Duchsherer\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhas been inconsistent at best.\u00c2\u00a0 In an effort to amend these issues, we are exploring our options in regards to our fantasy pitching coach.\u00c2\u00a0 Furthermore, we are more than a quarter of the way through the season, and Victor Martinez, a player who we were relying on for power numbers, has yet to hit a homerun.\u00c2\u00a0 Confidentially, we are looking for a fantasy steroid and HGH connection.\u00c2\u00a0 So, if anyone knows a good one, please leave a message\u00e2\u20ac\u201dpreferably anonymously, for your sake\u00e2\u20ac\u201dwith our fantasy human resources office.<\/p>\n

I will finish with a message to all our Groin Kick fans.\u00c2\u00a0 Know that we have not given up on this fantasy season.\u00c2\u00a0 There is a long way to go, and a lot of points are still up for grabs.\u00c2\u00a0 We, in the make-believe front office, will continue to do our best to put an exciting and competitive product on the imaginary field.\u00c2\u00a0 Thank you all for your continued support.\u00c2\u00a0 As always, if you have any questions I will make my weekly appearance on the fantasy Mike and the imaginary Mad Dog show on Thursday.\u00c2\u00a0 I look forward to your calls.\u00c2\u00a0 Thank you, and have a great pretend day.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Fantasy Press Secretary of the Fantasy Flying Groin Kicks delivers the state of the Groin Kicks to the many fantasy members of Groin Kick Universe.\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":53,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-500","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t